I’ve been reflecting this week on my journey of mothering, both the good and the hard. I’ve written posts like this in my mind 100 times over the past two years, but then they never really happen. I know that my blog portrays the good parts of parenting, of our little family. That stuff is so much easier to share. Who wants to write about the hard days, the less glamorous parts. But I feel like I can’t avoid it any longer.
This week it has struck me that really this journey of becoming a mother has been both more incredible and more difficult than I ever imagined.
I remember writing to a friend when Isaiah was a couple months old and saying, ‘I can’t believe how amazing motherhood really is. Nothing can prepare you for the amazing journey of falling in love with your baby’. The connection to this child that was formed within your womb, that was given breath and became their own separate being. It is incredible. And then watching them grow. Watching them learn to clap or to crawl, taking first steps, saying first words. I’ve heard it said that it’s like your heart on the outside and sometimes I so resonate with that!
And then the difficult. This week I’ve been aware again of the difficult. First it’s sorting out sleep, or for us maybe that’s the constant, getting our children to sleep uninterrupted stretches. Then it’s getting them to eat solids, figuring out how to provide them with healthy meals and what that looks like for our family. Now those things seem to be more sorted out for Isaiah but he’s almost two and has become well acquainted with “no”. Teaching him to listen, guiding him as he asserts his independence. It’s exhausting work! It’s so much harder than I ever knew.
But introducing them to new adventures is incredible. The fair, the demolition derby. My enjoyment of these things is exponential when I get to watch them experiencing them. With joy that is so present it is tangible. Isaiah’s giggles as the cars race around the track again. His joy at home as he replicates the counting, the smashing, the getting stuck. Pure joy.Then they are learning to play together, to interact, so fun. Until it turns to wrestling and tackling and Isaiah doesn’t want to listen to the “give her space, not right now”. And they are in a pile and in tears. And we are coming up with new strategies to guide and direct them.
Another night I take a little longer tucking Brielle into bed. I pray over her as I do every night with them both. Tonight my eyes fill with tears as I am immensely aware of the privilege and honour of being given this little girl to raise, to be a part of our family. She’s pretty incredible; they both are.
So I take another deep breath. In the midst of the hard and the good. I say ‘thank you God’ for these incredible blessings and thank you, that in the midst of the difficult you are there too. Gently leading me, leading us, as we lead them. — To follow my blog, click “Follow” in the sidebar. You will receive notifications of new posts by email.